Hellbound: Regretting you...

Because I hear it more often around me that women are enchantresses!
In a given circumstance, men are hellbound to women, but vice versa does not happen. Even if that is to happen, it is extremely rare like watching men cry. You might say we are prejudiced about that concept. It is undeniable that if you ask around, you will hardly find any mature women being spellbound by a man from her past.

And certainly, I disliked the idea very much to begin with as it questions your disparity in loyalty or love towards the one you are with. I take pride to be a perfectly non-judgmental but even I would look at those men with cocked-eyes as in "such deceiving peasant!" and also to those women "such manipulating witches!"
Have ever thought I would stand on that line someday, making excuse to myself, for myself.

I have never been very good at expressing emotions and still get accused wrongly for being so stone-hearted person! It is however true, I do let go of people first for some very valid personal reasons before they do. But that does not mean I get hurt less, rather many times more than those whom I let go.
I had done the same to him as well. Long long time ago, almost decades ago! It sounds quiet exaggerating even to me.

And yet, here I am, till the very today, I am hellbound to him!
It is indeed a mystery to me too, that how on earth I failed to push him away over the past years. How come he still greets me with "My little sun shine!"

13 years...
When there were men in my life, women in his life, and now a wife! How can he say the exact same words in exact same time for bleeding 13 years and does not forget for once! Sometimes I would say or do things just to check if those were intentional technique to keep me spellbound. But I rather became more enchanted in the process.

There was never a day I was not attacked by hearing this (after a long giggle) "Do not laugh like that, please. I told you! It makes me give on everything!" when he has a marriage of love!
I would prefer to be deaf than hearing such colloquial, cliché, and cringy pick-up lines in an usual situation.

But damnation to this man, he made me miss those lines at certain point! He made me believe thoroughly how my smile touches his heart and never faltered once. And he made me realize that is my weapon to use against him. It's enchanting as hell, it makes me greedy. So much so, that sometimes he almost succeeds to cloud my judgement.

He is spellbound to this woman who has never been his.

I am hellbound to this man who will never be mine.

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